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Question by: nikb7a Age: 33

Feeling lonely. I want to learn to enjoy solitude

Good night!

Five months ago, I gave birth to a child.

Two months before the birth, problems started in my family—both moral and financial. Also, a few days before the birth, I had a fight with my best friend, who was the closest person to me emotionally. I’ve tried to restore our communication a couple of times, but it’s been in vain—the person doesn’t want to talk to me.

After the birth, my husband and I often argue. He belittles me and uses things I’ve confided in him against me. I always end up taking the blame and apologizing after our fights. I also have an aunt I talk to, but I can’t share everything with her or tell her what’s truly on my mind.

I feel like there’s no one in my life I can share my thoughts with without judgment or to get an outside perspective. There are a couple of close acquaintances, but I can’t share anything deeply personal with them either.

I understand and feel that I’m lonely.

How can I find enjoyment in this and accept it?
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Psychologists’ answers

Iryna Konstantynivna Zubiashrili — psychologist
Iryna Konstantynivna Zubiashrili psychologist
Київ ·
Good day. I want to tell you right away—you are not alone. You have a child, and that is immense happiness.
The fear of loneliness is paradoxical: we fear not the absence of people around us, but the presence of ourselves, alone with ourselves.
Why do we fear meeting ourselves?
When the external noise fades, internal voices begin to sound:
- Unlived emotions
- Postponed decisions
- Uncomfortable questions to ourselves

Loneliness is not an emptiness that needs to be filled. It is a space where:
- New ideas are born
- Inner resources are restored
- A meeting with your true self takes place

An interesting fact: Albert Einstein said that his best ideas were not found in laboratories, but in moments of solitude, when he could calmly reflect without distractions.

There are people who cannot tolerate loneliness and seek an escape in new relationships. And there are those who, on the contrary, love being alone with themselves. And the difference here is not in personality type.

So what is the difference?
In my opinion, loneliness is easy to bear when you are self-sufficient. This means that a person does not need external confirmation of their beauty, significance, or value. They already feel all of this within themselves. Therefore, they do not need to "run" into relationships to gain the recognition and love they feel they lack.

What contributes to the development of self-sufficiency?
Strengthening self-esteem. The better you think of yourself, the more independent you become.
Awakening interest in your own life. When we have hobbies, pleasant places for walks, and even favorite TV shows and books—there is no need to seek joy in communication with other people.
Developing inner support. Can you rely on yourself? Can you improve your life on your own? Inner support is the foundation that helps cope with difficulties.

All these points are best addressed with a psychologist. But this can serve as a guide for your independent development.

Edited by the author on 12-05-2026 01:27:33

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