Avoidance

I’ve noticed a tendency in myself: for some reason, the things that no longer affect me and are in the past bother me the most, while real life doesn’t bother me as much. Or perhaps I unconsciously avoid my current tasks to escape difficulties. I often analyze past events, thinking about how I should have acted or why something didn’t work out. But when it comes to present problems, I feel repulsion and reluctance to deal with them. However, as soon as I lose the opportunity to solve them or the problem passes, my mind keeps returning to it, even to the point of an obsessive desire to go back and replay it, even though the opportunity is already lost and a new phase has begun.

Because of this, it turns out that I’m afraid of the present and the future, and I do everything I can to escape into memories or past problems, as if it’s safer there and I have more resources and control—even though at the time, it felt like I was just as powerless and unable to cope.

Is there any way to fix this?

The same thing happens with people: when communication has already ended, the person becomes more interesting and understandable to me, and I want to try discussing things again. But people in the present don’t concern me as much, or I internally put up a barrier and try to keep my distance. But as soon as they stop communicating with me, I’m drawn back to them, and they seem more important and significant.

When I go to work, it feels energy-draining, and it’s as if I’m not afraid of losing it. But as soon as I quit, I’m overwhelmed, and I start idealizing it, as if everything should have been different if I had perceived it differently and not overcomplicated things in my head.