The book by Polish sexologist and psychotherapist Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz, She and He About Sex, introduces the reader to the practical work of a specialist. Real work, which often differs greatly from its portrayal in films and TV series.
Most of the book consists of stories about people who sought help. The author emphasizes from the very beginning that all personal data has been altered. He provides a brief overview of confidentiality.
Lively examples, filled with emotion, help better understand what is written in dry manuals and textbooks on sexology. Another valuable aspect of She and He... is that the author clearly demonstrates that the most common "purely sexological" manifestation is often just the tip of the iceberg. That many factors influence the situation that has developed in a couple. That it makes no sense to try to help therapy participants by focusing solely on physiology or only on psychotherapy.
Lew-Starowicz warns readers not to identify themselves with the characters in the stories. He says that the same situation described in the book can have many variations in real life. That effective methods that helped one person may not work for another. As if today the phrase that all people are unique has become a cliché. But Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz demonstrates on every page that this is not just a beautiful expression. It is a principle that guides sexological and psychotherapeutic work.
Explanations of sexological and therapeutic concepts in clear language will be useful not only to the average reader but also to therapists. The book even includes a section for the latter.
However, beyond providing information (or perhaps because of it), She and He About Sex dispels common myths. For example, about the existence of a panacea. Or about the existence of a single norm. Or about infidelity or "wrong" feelings. Or about the idea that we know exactly what people we live with are thinking and feeling. Or about "it will pass on its own." Or—perhaps the hardest illusion to let go of—that knowing the cause of what is happening automatically brings about change (the desire to change).
It turns out that in real life, things do not always happen this way. No wonder some stories, after patients got to the root of the problem, end with the author’s words: "I don’t know the further story of this couple."
Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz himself, addressing readers, hopes that the book will help them understand the specifics of the differences between female and male perspectives, emphasizes the importance of dialogue, and timely seeking professional help.
