I don’t love my child and want to run away from him

Good afternoon. I really want to support you. You’ve been living under stress for a long time, without rest or support. Under these conditions, anyone could burn out. Don’t blame yourself for these thoughts. They don’t make you a bad mother. They only show that you have almost no strength left right now. I strongly recommend not isolating yourself in this. If possible, reach out to a psychologist, psychotherapist, or social services in your area—not because you’re “failing.” But because you’ve been handling everything alone for too long. Also, make sure to talk to the doctor who is treating your son. If his tantrums have become frequent, if he hits his head, screams as if in pain—this is worth discussing. It might not just be behavior; it could be his way of showing that he’s struggling too. Don’t demand perfection from yourself. Your thoughts and words right now are normal when a mother is exhausted. It’s good that you shared this with us. You need to share this pain, fatigue, and despair. Your child needs you. But you also need someone who can support you. Do you have close family, relatives, or friends who could at least give you a short break and offer support?

Sorry to hear that. Find out whether there are early intervention centers, rehabilitation centers, or services in your city that work with families with children with special needs. Sometimes even a few hours of respite per week can give a mother the strength to carry on. You can also look for online support groups or forums for mothers of special-needs children; this can make you feel less alone in your struggle.

Good morning.

It’s clear that you’re experiencing severe psycho-emotional burnout. In cases like this, it’s impossible to act or react calmly—you simply don’t have the strength. However, I have a few additional questions for you to help as much as possible in this format.

You mention that your child doesn’t want to study and that your son can only focus for three minutes at a time, which frustrates you. Did I understand correctly that you’re trying to teach him the way he’s taught in school? Did someone advise you to interact with your son in this way?

But a three-year-old boy, especially one with developmental delays (which isn’t surprising given his early illnesses), simply can’t sustain attention for long. In fact, three minutes is about the maximum time a child his age can focus on something. Frankly, I don’t understand why a three-year-old needs to learn multiple alphabets or count to ten. It seems to me that you’re exhausting yourself and your son with your desire to make him grow up too soon. No wonder he’s acting this way—his behavior is an unconscious attempt to stop you from pushing him. His tantrums aren’t conscious choices; his subconscious is reflecting how you perceive and treat him. In my view, his subconscious is trying to protect his psyche from complete collapse.

He’s still very young. At this age, children learn not through lessons but through play. Go outside, play ball with him, let him run around with other kids, give him a chance to relax and develop physically. Boys develop through physical activity, not through mental exercises. Judging by his behavior, he’s just as emotionally drained as you are. In such cases, you both need to move around actively in nature, not sit indoors. Your child simply lacks fresh air, sunlight, play, and the warmth and understanding from you that you can’t provide right now because you’re exhausted yourself.

Try to imagine how your son feels when you constantly force him to do things without any kindness toward him.

I don’t have much information about you, but it seems you weren’t surrounded by warmth and understanding in your own childhood. After all, we can only give our children what our parents gave us.

Could you tell me, please, was there understanding from your parents in your childhood? Did you receive enough love and happiness from them?

In cases like this, the best option is to work individually with a psychologist. But even if that’s not possible, try to spend most of the day with your son in a park, square, forest, or anywhere outdoors—move around a lot instead of sitting on a bench. Movement and play in nature are essential for you too, to help you regain your energy. And, in my opinion, you should stop drilling your child, at least until both of you have regained your strength, calmed down, and started to feel peaceful and occasionally happy from simple things: drinking tea, feeling the sun on your face, breathing in fresh air, or seeing the blue sky.