Live:
Світлана Володимирівна Матюха
Світлана Володимирівна Матюха 4 minutes тому: «Здравствуйте. Рассыпалась... значит хрупкая. Значит эта часть в вас все таки есть, женская, хрупкая . Но почему то эта часть вам не нравится. Не принимаете её чем-то. Может, она у»
Тетяна Штапова
Тетяна Штапова 15 minutes тому: «Доброго дня. Ви вже й так багато чого робите для себе і отримуєте підтвердження, що деякі способи допомагають. Але дійсно складно дати самій собі всю любов, яку потребуєте. Люд»
Володимир Анатолійович Тарасенко
Володимир Анатолійович Тарасенко 4 hours тому: «Здравствуйте, Роман! цитата: «Утрата интереса к жизни, пустота и апатия» Примите мои слова сочувствия и поддержки! Расскажите, когда впервые почувствовали утрату интереса к жизн»
Question by: Mollie Age: 34

My husband disappears

We recently reconciled after a 3-year break. I had written to him, he read my messages and was in touch, and I had already gone through the journey from anger to despair, seeing how he reacted to everything but remained silent. And now he has come. But after our meetings, there's another pause again. He said he would come in two weeks, but almost three have passed already.

He reads my messages, stays in touch, but gives no certainty, only writes about meetings. For three weeks, he hasn't written anything.

I feel anxious and lonely.
I feel like he doesn't appreciate me.
Although he loves me, there's passion, but it feels like waiting, he comes, wins, and leaves.
I miss him.
If I set conditions, he shuts down.
What should I do?
...
What are these ratings?

Question Ratings

Users can vote for questions they like. The best questions are featured in a special section of the website.

You can vote for a question if you found it interesting, well-described, or believe that the psychologists’ answers would be valuable for many others to read.

If you vote for a question, a link to it may later appear on your personal page in the "Liked Questions" section. Negative votes will not be displayed anywhere.

For psychologists, the questions they like will not be displayed on their personal pages.

Psychologists’ answers

Viktoria Kobets — psychologist
Viktoria Kobets psychologist
Київ ·
A three-year pause is not just a period of time. It seems to be a painful experience for you.
Right now, you feel that fear lives inside you: if you become demanding, if you show emotions, he will leave again. So you endure, even when it hurts.
Most likely, he doesn’t do this intentionally. There are people for whom closeness and fear go hand in hand. Or there could be other reasons for his behavior.
But here’s what’s important to realize: you’ve been adjusting to him for a long time. You stay silent, wait, restrain yourself, and you’re actually already tired of it.
So the question isn’t how to make him change. It’s whether you’re willing to keep building yourself around a person who can’t give you stability.
This is just an honest question, one only you can answer.
Nora Markman — psychologist
Nora Markman psychologist
Київ ·
Hello. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Have you discussed with him after reconciling what your communication will look like? (He shuts down when faced with "conditions," but does he himself outline how he sees the future? Can you talk to him about this?)
Your three-year pause is a long time, and over this period, people’s feelings can naturally change. How did you feel about the pause? Did you feel comfortable with him?
When you say you feel lonely, anxious, and that he doesn’t appreciate you—is this really how you imagined your future relationship with him after the pause? What unites you now, besides the passion you mentioned? What foundation do your relationship have, in your view?
Also—do you have close people who understand you and can support you?
It would be very appropriate for you to consult a specialist. This could help you, at the very least, look at the problem from different angles and understand yourself better. Wishing you strength and wisdom!
Log in or register to answer.